Ok, I seriously have had it with middle aged women who don't know me telling me how to live my life. It happened again today, as it happens every once in a while, this time at a work party. I made a funny comment that Steve and I were in a dillema because I still want to go to Banff and he wants to (all the sudden) go to Paris! Everyone was laughing at me saying : "Oh wow, she's complaining because her jerk of a fiance wants to take her to Paris for their honeymoon." (Sarcasm.) Then I said, well we both want to go to Europe sometime. Then the social worker of our house turns to me and says : uh, how long have you known him? (Condescending tone.) I said, "we will have dated for 3 years by the time we get married." She looks at my boss," hmmmm.... yeah.....you don't really know someone until you have lived with them. (boss nods knowingly)...do you live with him?" I reply, no...... SW: oh, well, you learn alot about someone when you live with them. You will be very surprised, relationships take work. You should only marry someone unless you live with them." Well, I wanted to punch her in the face. They (boss and social worker) went on and on and on about the importance of living together before marriage, and how there is no way we ever get to go to Europe because I don't know Steven or Men. I kept my composure surprisingly well. First of all : YOU DON'T KNOW ME! Second of all : YOU DON'T KNOW ME OR STEVEN OR HOW WE FUNCTION TOGETHER. Thirdly: If the people who know, love, and care for me and Steven individually and together were the least bit concerned, I would have concerns, but since those people are excited and not at all worried, why would I take any of your bogus "live together" precautions???!?!?!?!? Especially since I know that it is a fact that people who live together before they get married are 50% more likely to get a divorce. I am one of the smartest young women I know. I haven't wasted my life away on things like alcohol, drugs, or the party scene. I have a secondary education and I work in a job that applies it directly. I am going somewhere. The people that I spend the most time with are healthy hard working and wonderful people. I have positive relationships with the men and women in my life. I have a positive relationship with my parents and Steven's parents. I do not know everything, but I do not take crappy bogus destructive advice from people who do not know, love, or care about me or Steven. I will gladly recieve advice from my family and extended family. I welcome advice from my friends. And honestly, I don't think life is going to be a walk in the park, I expect it to be hard at times - not a fairy tale, which maybe the people who give me that kind of advice weren't anticipating in their own lives. I don't know what it's like to be married, but I dont think that it's rocket science! I am sure we will be able to figure it out, like people have been doing from the beginning of time. I am the most confident in this: God has truly joined me and Steven together, and we have decided to base our marriage on the firmest foundation - Jesus Christ.
p.s. even one of my non-christian co-workers agreed that they were quite rude in making these comments.
About Me
- jessica
- I grew up in Canada, but currently reside in Kansas City, Missouri.
6 comments:
I am very proud to be able to say you are my daughter Jessica! I agree with every word said. I think that by not living together before marriage, demonstrates the highest level of commttment possible. It is true that you get to know someone better after you live with them. This is true in a common law relationship or a marriage. However since when does living with someone before marriage mean you "really" get to know them? So what happens if you live together for a few years before you "really" get to know someone and "suddenly" find out you are not compatible? Then what? Do you just walk away and say "It's a good thing we didn't get married"? People talk committment but by simply living together they prove themselves to be hypocrites becuase the committment they speak of really means "I am committed to this relationship, but only until I get to "really" know you, then I may reconsider". Anyways, I am committed to being your Dad and again I am very proud of my daughter.
Thanks Dad! Love you!
I second what fasza said!
good for you, Jess! it sounds so difficult to have to work at a place that is constantly attacking what you strongly beleive and have convictions on. i think you have shown the ultimate commitment to Steve by saving yourself for him until your marriage comes. Proving to eachother that you are worth it! we all know it, but those other social worker people dont seem to get it. But the best part is that no matter what, God is backing you up on this one :)
Well Jess, this is certainly interesting as I actually googled that very topic last week and guess what came up AND from the secular world --- they all agree that living together is NOT good and there are various reasons for that. I don't have time to get into it but we'll talk some time or google "living together before marriage" and read some of the stuff yourself. Your "social worker gal" is behind the times and sounds quite...... well I won't mention that word either. Glad you kept your cool!
Those two women sure sound like a couple of jealous, bitter losers. Don't listen to them, marriage can be wonderful and getting to know each other will be a lot of fun. Having a successful marriage has nothing to do with how long you have known each other and everything to do with commitment. If you and Steven are determined to stay together you can make it happen. There may be tough times but with the help of family and supportive friends, and your faith in God you will make it through the bad times. In the mean time have fun and don't pay too much attention to negative people.
Bea
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